"Beauty is a light in the heart"

The thing about people is that we always see the outside of a person first. I want to be loved not for my looks, but for what's inside of me. The person who you are going to spend the rest of your life with better not care what you look like because when you're 80 and all wrinkly, the looks aren't going to be there to sustain the relationship.

I want someone to love me for who I am, who I was, and who I'm going to be in the future. It is foolish to think that just because you have found your love, you will be the same person for the rest of your life. We are forever changing, whether it be for the better or for the worst. I want to find that person who I can love no matter what happens. Maybe I've already found him. But love isn't always the problem. A relationship is more than love. It is about the way you behave towards one another. Actions are more important than words. I fear that this was my greatest mistake. I want to get up and live my life fully, I just have to find the courage within myself to act. I need to bring out the best in myself, not depend on others to do it for me.

From now on, I promise to myself that I will not be afraid to try and to fail. I will overcome my fear of the unknown because in the end, I will regret the things I didn't do more than those I did.

Actions speak louder than words.

A friend of mine once said, "It's not about who you really are, you are defined by your actions." Even with the best of intentions, if you act like a bitch then you are a bitch.

I realize that perhaps I need to talk less and act more because all the words in the world won't change anything unless they are acted upon.

Gossip

Okay, so ready for a long fucked up story?
I've been getting anonymous comments in my honesty box on facebook. They were calling my a bitch and blah blah. Basically a whole bunch of gossip started up and although most of it is actually true, I have no clue how it got out or who blabbed their big mouths.

That is, until now.

It was my freaking best friend. BEST FRIEND. You know, the ones that are supposed to stick by your side and make you feel better after a break up, bash the boy's face in, etc? Yeah well she's been gossiping about me behind my back, calling me a bitch, and not having the guts to own up to it. Meanwhile, she's been pretending to be her sweet little self and comfort me when I'm venting about all the honesty box comments and the bad things I've been hearing. How fucked up is that?

Then, on top of that, she got her boyfriend to leave me some nasty comments too, only I don't know if he really meant them because he always put a <3 at the end.

If there were sides, (which there aren't) she would chose my ex-boyfriends side. Whose the bitch now?

Danceee

So I danced from 6 to 9 tonight. It wasn't my best night ever but it was totally exciting. I was flipping back and forth between salsa and west coast swing.

I met this totally cute guy named Josh and I think he's already graduated college, but we danced and he was really good. I was all excited, but then, I forgot to get his facebook before I left. =(
I was sad but then, I found it through the coordinator's facebook. Yay!

Hugs

I think something a lot of people don't realize is that hugs are just as intimate as kisses. We don't think of it because we hug our friends and that's socially acceptable, while kissing them is not. But really, it's just what we make of each of them. It's like when you hug an ex-boyfriend right after a break up. It feels awkward because it is something that was intimate between the two of you and now you have to try to make it not intimate. For this reason it will always feel awkward because you'll remember what his hugs used to feel like. A gentle little squeeze is nothing compared to a big, comfy, soul-crushing hug.

I miss my big comfy hugs. =/

Is it?

Is it possible to love someone you can't be in a relationship with?
Is it me?
Is it bad if I still miss him?
Is it?

Some oldies but goodies

Clouds of Life

Show these thoughts of love

Enclosed with thoughts of fear

The sky will give me freedom

Come clouds, draw me near.

The base of all my pain

Comes from the shadows of my heart,

The forces of this world are tearing me apart.

Tears of Blood

I'll have my vengeance for what you've done

If you think I have feelings, you're mistaken, there's none.

For now the tears of blood won't wash away,

And the flames of pain will run down my face.

I trusted you for all that's worth,

Yet somehow, you turned out worse.

Demon I say- Show your true face.

Believe me now, your blood is waste.

Death of a Lover

Curse you, fiend- I'll have your head

For the love you shared with her instead.

The mask that you wear, it doesn't show

The dark chambers of your heart

Where lies your foe.

The blackness of your soul, I will not forgive.

The choice is mine and I choose to live.

Beautiful, Don't

Dark lonely night,
I met you there in my dreams again.
You hid beyond the trees
While the soft glow of your eyes called to me.

I had never felt so vulnerable.

Winds of silk blew through your hair
While you danced like the most beautiful angel.
Twirling and laughing
You beckoned me on under the pale silver of the moon.

I ran to your side,
Stared into your eyes and into your heart.
Felt the smooth silk of your dress slip through my fingers,
Only to have you fade away.

New

I don't really blog much, so I'm not sure how this is going to work, but I'm gonna give it a shot anyways. This really isn't meant to be read by anyone, so if you're reading this either you're very clever or I've given up and told people about this blog.

I never was very good at keeping a diary. I write every day, but when I feel like I have to write something, I blank out.

Well to start off, I have a blog on myspace but mostly I just post poems and such there. I really want to have this blog inspire and give deeper meaning to important issues in life.

The blog title is something that means a lot to me. I love to dance, but happiness comes in the simplest of ways. It's almost a return to childhood and to the base nature of humans. For me, the best thing in the world is just sitting outside in the spring, barefoot and feeling a cool breeze wash over me. That kind of happiness leaves an impression in my mind more so than any one object I could obtain. In the end, I think it's not what things we have that will make us happy, but what we make of things.